So I spent a couple of hours (okay days) in a self-loathing existential funkiness, but now that I have acknowldged that feeling I am moving on. I KNOW I am a good mom. Heck, this is no time for modesty... I am pretty much one of the best I know! :) And that makes this whole thing ok. Not great, but ok. I usually obsess over what people think of me but not this time. No, this time I am more than thrilled to be hated- because when they see their mistake (and they will), I will be able to smile and turn my back to them and walk away... and in that moment I will not feel guilty because it was thier choice that sent me away. Silly, dumb people.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
handing in my cape and tights
I am done trying to be super mom.
Now I can see that this life may just be too much for any one person to handle.
At least I am going to look at it that way-- and not that I failed....
I am not one to give up easily, but I can honestly say I gave it my all.
And knowing that I have to take what is left of me and start over.
Everything happens for a reason... I just need to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture, and know that in the end it'll be okay....
who knows, maybe better than okay.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
i am a drama queen. always have been, always will be. it runs in the family.
Today has been a rough one for me.... really whoa. Jabali is gone on a 10 day business trip, and I am going crazy. Here is little insider glimpse into my day so far.... it is only 5:00pm.
Day 2:
Aliczander has pink eye yet again, super, and he is banging his head, screaming and crying because I won't let him touch anything upstairs, but its better than leaving him locked up in his room (something about child abuse laws or some crazy stuff :) ?!)
Jabali's once perfect medication combo is no longer working for him (or me for that matter!) hopefully it has something to do with his ear infection meds and not because its losing its juice. His wierd noises and crazy rough housing makes my head hurt.
I am in charge of enforcing Xavior's punishment this weekend. He was suspended from school on Thursday for hitting a teacher, so ... big time chore boy. And it is impossible to get that kid to stop trying to argue with me (I just won't do it!). I swear his punishment is harder for me than him.
Then there is Jo, such a sweet girl! She just wants to help, but: "Can I hold Marley... I want to help you... when can I hold the baby...Can I do that?... I want to do it...Is it my turn yet?... Please can I hold Marley again." And I have to be very patient so I don't discourage her because soon she will be the very best helper ever!! (patience sarah, patience)
My darling Quinn and his "MINE!". He is so controlling these days and he knows exactly what he wants... (and just try to refuse!) I didn't know we had that many pairs of scissors in this house. And there are just something he's not willing to trade. He is currently wiping his cheeto hands down my arm and smiling at me. His solution to everything is a kiss. (it works for me!)
Marley is hungry every 15 minutes (or so it seems). Such a little person but huge needs (demands is more like it). And to make her life harder- her favorite singing swing ran out of batteries last night-- and mom doesn't have anymore. (I could go to the store-- yeah right! Can you image that sight?! YIKES!)
... and if the kids weren't enough: there is the cooking, and the cleaning, and the bathing, and the 3 sets of diaper changes, and the entertaining-- (if only I could be one of those moms that's cool with letting kids watch tv all day), and the laundry, and the referee for disagreements, and every once in a while I do have to use the bathroom (not alone mind you), and then its time for diapers again. You would not believe how many diapers I change a day.
Ok. I am done whining. There is always time in my day for that! Just wanted to share my moment of maddnes. :) ... a day like this is exactly why Heavenly Father invented ice cream and House - yummy! (only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go...)
Jabali's once perfect medication combo is no longer working for him (or me for that matter!) hopefully it has something to do with his ear infection meds and not because its losing its juice. His wierd noises and crazy rough housing makes my head hurt.
I am in charge of enforcing Xavior's punishment this weekend. He was suspended from school on Thursday for hitting a teacher, so ... big time chore boy. And it is impossible to get that kid to stop trying to argue with me (I just won't do it!). I swear his punishment is harder for me than him.
Then there is Jo, such a sweet girl! She just wants to help, but: "Can I hold Marley... I want to help you... when can I hold the baby...Can I do that?... I want to do it...Is it my turn yet?... Please can I hold Marley again." And I have to be very patient so I don't discourage her because soon she will be the very best helper ever!! (patience sarah, patience)
My darling Quinn and his "MINE!". He is so controlling these days and he knows exactly what he wants... (and just try to refuse!) I didn't know we had that many pairs of scissors in this house. And there are just something he's not willing to trade. He is currently wiping his cheeto hands down my arm and smiling at me. His solution to everything is a kiss. (it works for me!)
Marley is hungry every 15 minutes (or so it seems). Such a little person but huge needs (demands is more like it). And to make her life harder- her favorite singing swing ran out of batteries last night-- and mom doesn't have anymore. (I could go to the store-- yeah right! Can you image that sight?! YIKES!)
... and if the kids weren't enough: there is the cooking, and the cleaning, and the bathing, and the 3 sets of diaper changes, and the entertaining-- (if only I could be one of those moms that's cool with letting kids watch tv all day), and the laundry, and the referee for disagreements, and every once in a while I do have to use the bathroom (not alone mind you), and then its time for diapers again. You would not believe how many diapers I change a day.
Ok. I am done whining. There is always time in my day for that! Just wanted to share my moment of maddnes. :) ... a day like this is exactly why Heavenly Father invented ice cream and House - yummy! (only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go...)
And... at the end of the day, when all is said and done with my hair a mess, the sink full of dishes and the kids in previously worn pajamas everyone goes to bed knowing they are loved here. :)
Fun Photo
My little Quinn spends more time naked than he does wearing clothes. I love this picture! :)
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