a little survey fun

If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find?
Marley!

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
I used to close it, but that didn't stop Quinn from coming in so unless we have company... the door is open.

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?
socks are folded, undies are just tossed in.

Sleep on your back or stomach?
side fo sho

Are you a cuddler?
not really to be honest.

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
absolutely nothin

What were you doing before this survey?
watchin a movie with the hubs.

What will you do after the survey?
try to get some sleep

Marriage or living together?
married and living together!

What shirt are you wearing now?
the blue and black one shellie gave me, I love hand me downs!!

Do you sing?
well? no. but yes I sing all the time.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
i try to talk about it... or else it bottles up inside and i eventually explode and it's not fair.

First thing you do when you wake up?
pat marley on the back and try to get her to fall back asleep for a little longer!

Ever had surgery?
Yes'm

Last person you got into an argument with?
Jabali... we get over it fast tho...

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
yes I do. everytime.

What's one good thing about your best friend?
She's always good for a laugh. :)

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
um, about 20 mins now i think

Current song on myspace?
I have a few.

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
ooooooooooh yeah.

If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?
no way I have my own little monkey to take care of.

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
sun, swimming, running, playdates, seeing my sister Steph!!

It's midnight. Who are you texting?
Shel, but its now 1.... so no one.

It's Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?
Home counting down the hours to SYTYCD!

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?
My babies Quinn and Marley of course - and my husband all to myself.

Your Christmas list consists of?
haven't thought about it yet...

You're going to New York for shopping, where do you go first?
No where! I don't enjoy shopping. I would take in the scenery and culture... maybe a broadway show!

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
Shellie's closet. But I don't really wear jeans, just sweat pants.

How do you feel about your hair?
it's freakin great!

What movie is in your DVD player?
Madagscar II... I like to move it, move it.

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
I am here. :)

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
A LOT. It's a good thing I married such a hottie!

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Some of my little brothers and mom came to visit and we all got to go swimming!

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
just a few

What would you change about your life right now?
I want some more mommy and me playdate friends. And wish Jabali's brothers lived around here so he wouldn't be so lonely.

What’s the best feeling in the world?
LOVE!!

HOME.

I am so happy to finally be home, and it is home, in every sense of the word.

Chapter 3 - A New Begining

So I spent a couple of hours (okay days) in a self-loathing existential funkiness, but now that I have acknowldged that feeling I am moving on. I KNOW I am a good mom. Heck, this is no time for modesty... I am pretty much one of the best I know! :) And that makes this whole thing ok. Not great, but ok. I usually obsess over what people think of me but not this time. No, this time I am more than thrilled to be hated- because when they see their mistake (and they will), I will be able to smile and turn my back to them and walk away... and in that moment I will not feel guilty because it was thier choice that sent me away. Silly, dumb people.

handing in my cape and tights

I am done trying to be super mom.

Now I can see that this life may just be too much for any one person to handle.

At least I am going to look at it that way-- and not that I failed....

I am not one to give up easily, but I can honestly say I gave it my all.

And knowing that I have to take what is left of me and start over.

Everything happens for a reason... I just need to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture, and know that in the end it'll be okay....

who knows, maybe better than okay.

i am a drama queen. always have been, always will be. it runs in the family.

Today has been a rough one for me.... really whoa. Jabali is gone on a 10 day business trip, and I am going crazy. Here is little insider glimpse into my day so far.... it is only 5:00pm.

Day 2:

Aliczander has pink eye yet again, super, and he is banging his head, screaming and crying because I won't let him touch anything upstairs, but its better than leaving him locked up in his room (something about child abuse laws or some crazy stuff :) ?!)

Jabali's once perfect medication combo is no longer working for him (or me for that matter!) hopefully it has something to do with his ear infection meds and not because its losing its juice. His wierd noises and crazy rough housing makes my head hurt.

I am in charge of enforcing Xavior's punishment this weekend. He was suspended from school on Thursday for hitting a teacher, so ... big time chore boy. And it is impossible to get that kid to stop trying to argue with me (I just won't do it!). I swear his punishment is harder for me than him.

Then there is Jo, such a sweet girl! She just wants to help, but: "Can I hold Marley... I want to help you... when can I hold the baby...Can I do that?... I want to do it...Is it my turn yet?... Please can I hold Marley again." And I have to be very patient so I don't discourage her because soon she will be the very best helper ever!! (patience sarah, patience)

My darling Quinn and his "MINE!". He is so controlling these days and he knows exactly what he wants... (and just try to refuse!) I didn't know we had that many pairs of scissors in this house. And there are just something he's not willing to trade. He is currently wiping his cheeto hands down my arm and smiling at me. His solution to everything is a kiss. (it works for me!)

Marley is hungry every 15 minutes (or so it seems). Such a little person but huge needs (demands is more like it). And to make her life harder- her favorite singing swing ran out of batteries last night-- and mom doesn't have anymore. (I could go to the store-- yeah right! Can you image that sight?! YIKES!)

... and if the kids weren't enough: there is the cooking, and the cleaning, and the bathing, and the 3 sets of diaper changes, and the entertaining-- (if only I could be one of those moms that's cool with letting kids watch tv all day), and the laundry, and the referee for disagreements, and every once in a while I do have to use the bathroom (not alone mind you), and then its time for diapers again. You would not believe how many diapers I change a day.

Ok. I am done whining. There is always time in my day for that! Just wanted to share my moment of maddnes. :) ... a day like this is exactly why Heavenly Father invented ice cream and House - yummy! (only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go... only a few more hours to go...)

And... at the end of the day, when all is said and done with my hair a mess, the sink full of dishes and the kids in previously worn pajamas everyone goes to bed knowing they are loved here. :)

Fun Photo

My little Quinn spends more time naked than he does wearing clothes. I love this picture! :)

new moon -- twilight lovers rejoice!

I can't wait... I am really looking forward to the release!! Hooray hooray hooray. I can't decide what I am going to do yet...hmmm. I think I will either go to the Tri-Cities and throw a huge release party with Mom, Shel and Jessica maybe the Idler girls, or if I should host one here with my recruits from Sea-town. Good thing I have a while to decide. :) 6 months, 20 days, 11 hours and 9 minutes to be exact.